I am not going to say all my troubles started when my father died b/c thats not true. Things have escalated since then, I will say, but I believe in the addage, to paraphrase, what can go wrong, will (is that murphy's law?). I will alter it to read if there is some outlandish, insane, nonsensical thing that will happen, then I will be somehow be involved even if it seems that I have NOTHING to do with it.
And then for me to say, that if I keep to myself, stay close to home, and mind my own business, that I will be okay is not true either, as in the idea that most accidents happen with in a few miles of your home. The house could catch fire, a tree could fall on it, or, as in my case, your land lord/person could be an absolute user, crackhead, trainwreck in your living room.
The Road to Hell is lined with Good Intentions, will be my epitaph.
I am tired of hearing people say (I'm warning -- don't say this in response to this post. it is NOT true), Everything will be okay if you just be true to yourself. You cannot be true to yourself in a vacuum, because what you view as being true to yourself, in any situation, will be interpreted in a negative way by the people holding the noose.
Judge Jury and Executioner. The people who are making this decision will never, unfortunately, never read this writing, and they do not understand. THIS IS NOT A JOKE. I AM NOT CONTACTING YOU TO BE FUNNY OR A PAIN IN THE ASS. This is MY LIFE AT STAKE and I thought you people were in the business of SAVING LIVES. YES I am WHINING, because all life has TAUGHT ME is that you must FIGHT LIKE HELL to get what YOU NEED.
I have stood by dying people and talked to them, held their hands and helped them transition from this life. I do not need someone to help me transition from this life, that I can do myself. I NEED SOMEONE/S to help me continue living. I have been limping along by myself BECAUSE I HAVE NO CHOICE, but dragging my feet along will not cut it anymore.
Time to take a break. Don't worry I am not in any danger; I am just letting it all out and, this will take a while.
Thanks for listening
Love Jeanine
Yes be true to yourself absolutely BUT (what would life be without the word but, the precursor to all broken things and promises) when it comes to that I prefer the phrase bend but do not break.
ReplyDeleteOf course we all break at times but it is how we emerge from the fall that defines who we are as people. Whether fortunate or unfortunate, I am emerging better from my mental falls but worse from my physical ones. I wish I could have it all. lol.
I wish I could be there more, but it's been an odd transformation from who I was to who I want to be. I am nowhere near where I want to be but when I get there I hope you are to see it. I don't like sending postcards. :)